It's been a while since I last posted. Too long. 2017 was a while ago. I'm sitting here having a shit day. It made me realize that I probably should get back to talking on here more often instead of on a social media platform like Facebook. The problem boils down to me being an antisocial person pretending to be social on there. Blogging is therapeutic, and I realize that it helps to bring my blood pressure down and get the thoughts out of my head without much interaction or feedback. This is more of what I need to be mentally healthy.
I miss my friend Tom. He passed away in 2022. It's on days like today that I desperately want to talk to him. We rode horses together a lot, and we could talk about anything - and I do mean anything. I wish he was here now, we would end up getting lost in a conversation for hours. I would listen to him and he would listen to me. We didn't always agree on things, but it didn't matter because those times were simply amazing. Deep thoughts. Hours would fly by like it didn't matter. I'm crying while writing this, because I realize that losing him was like losing a beloved family member. It seriously hurts like hell. We were helpful to one another, and I feel like I could use that kind of help today. I can't stop crying.
On another note, my dad's birthday is coming up on the 11th of this month. He's 72 and starting to get some cognitive issues developing. It makes me fearful for the future. I only have three family members left, and so many have passed. After they're gone, I'll be the last of the Mohicans of my tribe. It will be a very lonely place. I hope I can handle it when the day comes.
It feels good to get these thoughts out. Sorry if it's dark, just the place where I'm at the moment.
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